up:: Content
author:: Big Think
full title:: 3 Lessons From an FBI Hostage Negotiator | Chris Voss
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Highlights
- if you takehostage negotiation skillswhich are navigating human emotions and you put themin the middle of business and personalnegotiationsyou’ve actually got a great way to workyour way throughbusiness negotiations and personal andeveryday life negotiations (View Highlight)
- sometimes they missthat and they think that the problem isa person across the table (View Highlight)
- conflict negotiation isreally about what people are making decisions based on what they care about (View Highlight)
- once we completely understand wheresomebody’s coming from then withtactical empathy we get a much betterfeel for exactly how they feel aboutthings how that drives themand then how we can interact with thethings that are driving them (View Highlight)
- people will put a valueof losses on at least twice what anequivalent gain isso losing five dollars stingsat least twice as much as gaining fivedollars losing five dollars feels like losing ten dollars or even thirty fivedollars (View Highlight)
- get them out of thatfear-based thinkingand I want to get them really in a morerational open frame of mind as quicklyas I can (View Highlight)
- andscience is showing us nowthat if we label a negative itdiminishes it I’ll actually say tosomebody ahead of timelook this is going to sound really harshand there’s a really good chance thatwhen I get done saying what I’m going tosay you’re not going to like me at all and then I’ll say what I have to say andthey’ll saywow wasn’t that badso I know I can take a very preemptiveapproachto negative thinking because I know whata barrier it is to decision making inbusiness (View Highlight)
- people willreveal the negatives very much eitherbetween the linesa little bit of the adjectives and thenalso in every positive there’s a flipside negative every negative there’s aflip side positive if I make it a pointof talking about how I’m for integrity then if you’re making a point to statethat then you’ve been betrayed in thepast that’s been a problem for you inthe past there’s a yin and yang toeverything (View Highlight)
- I remember one time was on the phonewith customer service Airlines person and that’s got to be a tough job becausethose people get yelled at all day longevery day nobody calls customer serviceunless they’re unhappyand this woman was one of those womanthat she clearly she’d been yelled at 50times during the day and she was notinterested in staying on the phone withme a moment longer than she had to and Iremember when I was off off the phoneand she had me on hold I remember sayingyou know I guarantee you this womanright now is thinking she’s saying toher colleagues you know this guy’s lucky I’m talking to him on the phone at allso I was thinking about the negative ofthat and then I was thinking about theflip side well in her in her view if shethinks I’m lucky to be talking to her onthe phone then the flip side of that isshe’s actually being generous in hermind and her worldshe came back on the phone and I said toher you know what I really appreciatehow generous you’ve been with your timeand I could tell immediately her herframe of mind changed she put me back onholdfor about a minute and a half after that and when she came back on the phoneshe’d given me a full refund on myticket (View Highlight)